No one messes with Ethan Albright

It must be pretty cool to be a professional football player and be able to play as yourself in the latest edition of Madden, right?

Not if you're Ethan Albright.

The 12-year vet and offensive lineman for the Washington Redskins apparently holds the dubious honor of having the lowest rating of any player in Madden '07. In other words, if you were picking a squad for your new pro team that you'd just purchased, and the last two players available were Albright and, oh, I don't know, Kim Jong-il, you'd probably ask your scouts if Kim could handle some occasional special teams duties.

So, Albright, in what has to be a ghost-written piece -- or else Albright has a long and lustrous career ahead of him in the world of comedy -- unloads on on John Madden, the nerds at EA, Rod "He Hate Me" Smart and anyone else responsible for his Cro-Magnon player rating.

It's the funniest NFL-related thing I've ever read. Plenty of NSFW language, if that sort of thing upsets you.